Last week I had an interesting conversation with a friend who has recently joined the world of online dating. She had me shaking my head and laughing with many of her tales and when I got home that night I gave my husband an extra long hug and thanked him for not only being with me, but from saving me from the circus that is single-hood.
Oh come on – don’t get your knickers in a bunch. I honestly don’t believe there is anything wrong with being single. Honestly. I just don’t envy those that decide to actively pursue a relationship and have to go through a lot of cringe-worthy emails, encounters and dates.
Interestingly, afterwards when I was replaying the conversation – her experiences in finding Mr. Right Now are really, really, and I mean really similar to my experiences in recruiting.
Listening to her talk about screening through tons of emails, only to discover that maybe 10% are really worth considering. Making quick judgement based on profile picture, lifestyle choices, and bios that read like they were written while drunk and surrounded by a bunch of buddies. (okay, I don’t have the profile picture too often, but I will add that stupid email addresses that include the words “sexy” or “horny” don’t bode well).
Then the initial contact. Despite the fact that she was clear and upfront about who she is and what she’s looking for, there’s always the dud who responds with “you look hot – want to hook up”. Clearly they didn’t read her bio or completely disregarded it.
Of course, the next step is the first meeting or interview. This can go well, because everyone is one their best behaviour and wanting to make a good impression, but a follow-up date may reveal a new and unexpected side to the person…the fact that they now feel perfectly comfortable in calling you “Baby” or the infamous over-sharing (yes, TMI).
She also mentioned that she had started to see the same people over and over – they repeatedly send contact emails, as if they hadn’t reached out already. (My recruiting term – serial applicants).
And then we have the issue to the SWF (or SWM) syndrome. Someone who just can’t take a hint and needs to have feedback on why, oh why, is this not going to move forward.
Seeking relationships, whether they are personal or working, may have become “easier” with technology and the Internet, but the reality is that there is no easy when it comes to people. We are complex beings, even the simple ones, and no ATS, phone screen or interview can do us justice.