The price of saying yes

I have a history of backing out of things.  I would like to think that most of these decisions were sound and that there was a reason that I decided to not pursue whatever course of action I was on.

There was a time when I would have reflectively said it must of been fate or meant to be, because otherwise I wouldn’t be where I am today.  Well of course I wouldn’t…I would be somewhere else reflecting on a completely other decision that I didn’t take.  You see, when there are choices to be made – you are always picking one over the other, so you could argue that you could always wonder “what-if”.

It’s all very Inception-like.

So yes…history of backing out of things…missed application deadlines, cancelled interviews, emails of introduction not sent…you name it.  If there was any type of increased  uncertainty factor associated with the decision, I likely chose the safe option.

Clearly this has served me well insofar as survival and employability goes, as I am still alive and have a job.  However, I did reach a point in my life where I decided that I was tired of wondering how things might have gone if I had done the hard thing.  And I vowed to say yes to every opportunity that came along.

Oddly enough it was much easier than I thought.  I started saying yes and then figuring out how to do whatever it was I had agreed to.  Fake it until you make it, they said.  It was a lot easier than you would think to fake it.  It still is.

And so I went on.  Saying yes – getting projects, getting interviews, changing jobs, changing employers, joining groups, learning new skills, meeting new people…all because I started saying yes.

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At the organization where I work there are 10 values that are widely shared and referenced, but the one that stands out (and is coincidentally relevant to this blog post) is “Think yes first”.

You would think that this value was just for me – that those words practically glowed on the posters when I read them.  That music played in the background.  That my life’s purpose was suddenly clear to me in a way that would make one of Oprah’s “ah-ha” moments pale in comparison.

And yet, it was the opposite.  I had this really unpleasant taste in the back of my throat that made me realize that I hadn’t really put a lot of thought into whether I should say yes, but only that I needed to say yes.

In the beginning, I had to do this.  I had to get beyond the inertia that was threatening to overtake me and just get moving.  However, I realized that once I got going, I didn’t spend very much time thinking about whether the next offer was the best one for me or whether I had the time, energy or interest.

And an unintended consequence of saying yes first is that people expect you to say yes. In fact, the expectation was so strong that many people actually misquoted the value when pointing out “I thought you were suppose to Say yes first“.

I can assure that in those moments, I am not thinking yes first.  Perhaps a few other two word combinations, but none are them are very affirmative.

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So now that a few years have gone by and I am a more experienced person from all that saying yes, I am starting to shift gears again.  I am no longer driven to accept every opportunity that is presented to me, I don’t have the same need to prove I can do it to others, and quite honestly, it some times boils down to I just don’t want to.

So is this a lack of motivation? Low engagement? Laziness?  I don’t think so.  I prefer to see it as maturity, awareness, and above all the realization that you can’t fucking do everything.

Saying no may be harder to do, but saying yes all the time is only easy in the moment, then it just becomes exhausting.

I still don’t believe that it’s fate that guides the choices that I make and I know that I will wonder about the choices that I didn’t take; however, I know that I am now in a better position to consider whether I should say yes to any future opportunities rather than assume that I have to.

 

 

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Midyear: Are we there yet?!

Midyear review season is upon us and it is a time for reflection.  A time to look back over the past six months at all that you have accomplished.  Or, in my case, wonder what they hell just happened and how am I going to spin this.  I mean, it was just January, right? I swear I have been busy and done work-stuff.

For many people, the midyear review and associated self-reflection activities are meant as a check-up on whether you are on track to achieving your objectives, or when it’s blatantly obvious that things are heading in the other direction, giving you the don’t steal.

However, for those people (I am not naming names, but I have a friend…) who may have a tendency to procrastinate excel at the last-minute, midyear reviews may feel a little contrived.

I have a 17-year son.  We don’t see him too often outside of meal times, unpacking of grocery times, or I need you to sign this paper times.  As such, I have a habit of popping my head into his room to say hello an ask him if “everything is okay”.

I am pretty confident that the look on his face after I have done this 3-4 times in an evening is the essence of what a midyear review is to a procrastinator.  It’s the “are you serious – nothing has changed since you asked me 30 minutes ago”.  (Which in work  terms would be: “are you serious – you just asked me about this 3 months ago…nothing has changed”)

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(For the record, my son looks more like Ron than Hermione.  If he knew I was writing about him, I am certain that he would want me to clarify that. The face though…spot on.)

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I am not hacking on midyear reviews. Well, okay maybe I am.  Let me start that again…I am not hacking on the intent of midyear reviews, I’m pointing out that the way they are done may be lacking.

However, if your midyear check-in consists of referring to all of the agreed upon performance objectives, updating the status of each of the aforementioned performance objectives, making modifications to any of the performance objectives (because we know that happens), or adding in new performance objectives (because we know that also happens), then I believe this is the only tool you will need:

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On the plus side, using the Acme Checklist will result in your meetings being much shorter and you can even use a different coloured marker for each employees.

So what do you do if you know you have someone on your team that may be a bit more flexible with timelines or if you happen to be that person for whom the 11th hour is a real and legitimate target.

First of all, skip the checklist – it will be useless, frustrating and the employee will feel compelled to compensate for the lack of tangible deliverables with creative, if not entertaining, explanations of work-stuff. (Or so I have been told).

Next, listen and talk , in whichever order is most appropriate given which chair you are sitting in.

Talk about what has been going on, what have you been doing, who have you been working with and on what.  What are you enjoying? What are you avoiding because you don’t like it? What do you wish you could work on? What would you like to learn and why?  What stands out from the past few months?  What do you need over the next few months to do what you need to?

And then listen.  Listen to what others are saying about your work? About who appreciates working with you and why? What are the things you should consider in the upcoming months? What are the things that you need to do or stop doing to avoid irritating/ alienating/ isolating/ your peers or clients? What are some things that you might not have considered for potential projects or development? What are the expectations by year-end (or perhaps sooner)? Are you heading in the right direction? If not, what do you need to be heading in the right direction?

There is no template for this kind of meeting. There are no specific boxes to check-off.  The meeting may not be quick and should spill over into further conversations, some of which may be difficult.

It will however provide you with a better sense of how your employee is doing rather than what they have done.

I mean, don’t sweat it, there are still 5 more months to go in  2017…plenty of time to get that thing done.